Do We Have A Problem?

"The happiest day of every girl's life is not when she gets married or pregnant or is set for life, but when the online order finally arrives at her door step... pure bliss." Discuss.

There comes a time in every woman's life when she catches sight of herself in her receipts mirror, and realises she's over-shopped. You realise you didn't really need those dove grey pumps. That this headband is way too OTT, and will be relegated to the headband cemetery with all the other fabulous purple glitter coated mistakes.

The problem is, these days, if you're having an ugly day, you may be couch-detained in frumpy gear and a scrunchy, but your credit card is most likely BOUNDING over the Atlantic.

(Metaphorically. Unless your card has been stolen, it's probably with you and the seven packets of Tim Tams on the couch).

The opening quote was posted online by a dear friend of mine. I immediately giggled and responded in the most enthusiastic caps lock. Post-giggles, I was again struck by something that's been bothering me lately. Why do we buy, and why does it feel so good?

 

The spoils of Ala Moana. I feel giddy.

Too many of us have liked shopping for too long for it to be a fad. It's not a trend, it's not a phase. Hell - it's a sport. You forage through your favourite stores. Given enough time, a true shopper will even rummage through the non-favourites. The mature lady stores, the cheap Asian outlets. The Kmarts. The Big Ws. (Correction - these are my favourites).

You sprint to the sales rack. You flip through with the speed of an Olympic sprinter; the precision of a gold medal archer. 

You improve with training. You get better at knowing what will or won’t flatter. You know a decent price-tag when you see one, and you know how to feign a frown at a counter when you 'spot' a loose stitch (that you spotted twenty minutes ago and decided to fix anyway). Most importantly, you know how to smile sweetly when the salesgirl suggests a ten per cent discount. 

Here's where the game changed; online. There's no instant gratification, no rushing home to show hide it from Mum/boyfriend/cat. You're now seventy bucks out of pocket, and you have nothing to show for it. But shit's about to get crazy.

There's now a heightened sense of excitement. You've hunted further than anyone else. Chances are minimised of someone else owning what will soon be yours. You will be the envy of every woman who dreams of being able to pull off a pair of canary yellow brogues. Seven to ten days delivery? The anticipation! The FEAR that it got lost on the way. The FURY when it hasn't arrived on the seventh day. The frustration that you might actually have to wait til the tenth day like all the other schmucks. The terrifying thought that it might not fit. The SWEET SWEET ELATION WHEN IT DOES! 

Lucy has a problem.

I have this theory. Cavemen. Lionesses. Emperor penguins. We’ve just evolved in the era of the loyalty card. We no longer set out to hunt for food. We don’t impress the rest of the tribe with how much mammoth-bacon we bring home – we now whip out the Olga Berg, the Steve Madden, the MAC lipstick.

'Oooh, ahhh!', the tribe exclaims in the nightclub bathrooms. On holiday, my sole reason for buying a cheap pair of Steve Maddens was to see the look on a friend's face.

Ron Haynes' article Why Do You Shop? 10 Reasons And How To Change Your Shopping Habit reveals we even get some other items with our shiny new purchases. Emotional reward, feeling cool, acceptance. Escape. We get these free of charge! Hooray, bargain, lucky us!

No matter what you buy, how much it cost, or how you bought it, the end result is the same: I bought this and it makes me look and feel fabulous.

Reading those points makes me feel icky. And like I should race out to the nearest nursing home to volunteer. Did I buy that fabulous gold sequinned shirt from Sportsgirl because I liked it, or because I was trying to feel better about myself? Did I buy it because, God forbid I return home from Sydney without having bought anything? Return to the tribe empty-handed? No no no.

Children are starving. Children are dying. Grown men are carting their entire life down the same street every day in a small sad duffle bag. Preventable diseases are rampant and lethal; and here I am, clean, fed, educated and considering a stupid floral purse?

Yeeeeesh. I feel awful. Unless your last name is DeVille (fabulous faux by the way darl), I'm guessing you might too. This piece started as a (hopefully) humourous blow-by-blow description of the online shopping process. And now I've guilted the crap outta myself. I am completely lost in the murky waters of conscience. Let's work through this.

Logically: if you give generously to the less fortunate (and I don't mean your pal who doesn't yet own Mimco), there is nothing wrong with shopping. There is nothing wrong with rewarding yourself for working hard.

... Right?

Then why do I feel so slimy right now?

Master Whinger

Been a terrible Blog Mama. Yes yes. Left you all neglected and hungry. Terribly sorry.


...It will happen again.

Why, yes I did have a fabulous summer adventure in various international paradises. Thank you for asking! Incredibly lucky. Feeling totally spoilt, mostly due to people's reactions to my complaining about heading back to work. Well. I don't care what any of you say - I will complain as much as I wish. If whinging were a sport, I'd ... be bloody good. (I wouldn't win anything, as I'd be too lazy to enter. Thus, would sit on couch complaining about said laziness).

So, apart from making everyone hate me and my slutty passport, I've found myself a nice backup career - giving workaholics crash courses in being a lazy sod. It's like I was born to do it. (Mum would absolutely cack herself if she read this).



Wish you I were here



(Yes this is a very real life photo of the gorgeous Hanauma Bay, where I later that day, snorkelled was set upon by the most thuggish coral).

Anyway - currently back at work. Colossal struggle to get back into work mode (which I am so very rarely in, and forever fighting to get back into... assuming I've ever been in it).

So a few snippets on life updates:
- Have declared 2012 year of Change and Dream-Following. Watch. This. Space.
- Have read Bridget Jones' Diary. Am now speaking fluent Diary.

- Want to travel at all times.

- Dislike all things about being home.

- Do enjoy unlimited supply of undies though.

Hoping you had a very Merry Christmas and (will have) a Happy New Year.

For now, I'm off to continue my storm of complaining and being generally horrible.


Business as usual.



:)